I fix things. No, not the wobbly end table that just needs a screw tightened, nor the ironing board that just needs a new cover, nor the picture that could be back on the wall save for a new hanger, nor anything else in my little world. But problems of others, things at work, a young family member's indecision, problems big and small. Mom and Dad were both "fixers," professionally and emotionally. I guess I inherited that gene. My brother did, too.
Now I've reached a point in my life that I need to start fixing things for myself. Tying up the loose ends, so to speak. The broken things have bothered me for years. But I've allowed them to remain broken. I've allowed myself to be pushed around to save the peace, have avoided facing the fact that 'friendships' were over, forcing myself to feel okay about situations when I knew full well that I was just being used over and over again.
I'm a strong person, always have been, someone to reckon with. Except where it matters - and then I just keep quiet, draw in to myself. My dad always said, "If you don't know what to do, then do nothing." I don't think he meant for me to take that quite so much to heart.
So lately I've begun standing up for myself a bit. It doesn't necessarily always feel good, but I know it's right. No longer can you be my friend because you just want something. You've got to take me, warts and all, through good times and bad. No longer will I allow myself to be talked down to, sometimes by complete strangers, just because some movie they saw portrayed Southerners with an accent as being stupid. No longer will I be forced into situations I don't want to be in. Jane would say, "No, that doesn't work for me." I need to practice saying that over and over again. And then say it. And mean it.
I can't change my personality - I know that. But I can change the people and things that bombard my life daily and make me unhappy. And you know what? That change will leave a whole bunch of more time for me, quality time, quilty time. And that, as she says, is a good thing!