Saturday, February 25, 2006

Reflections

I fix things. No, not the wobbly end table that just needs a screw tightened, nor the ironing board that just needs a new cover, nor the picture that could be back on the wall save for a new hanger, nor anything else in my little world. But problems of others, things at work, a young family member's indecision, problems big and small. Mom and Dad were both "fixers," professionally and emotionally. I guess I inherited that gene. My brother did, too.

Now I've reached a point in my life that I need to start fixing things for myself. Tying up the loose ends, so to speak. The broken things have bothered me for years. But I've allowed them to remain broken. I've allowed myself to be pushed around to save the peace, have avoided facing the fact that 'friendships' were over, forcing myself to feel okay about situations when I knew full well that I was just being used over and over again.

I'm a strong person, always have been, someone to reckon with. Except where it matters - and then I just keep quiet, draw in to myself. My dad always said, "If you don't know what to do, then do nothing." I don't think he meant for me to take that quite so much to heart.

So lately I've begun standing up for myself a bit. It doesn't necessarily always feel good, but I know it's right. No longer can you be my friend because you just want something. You've got to take me, warts and all, through good times and bad. No longer will I allow myself to be talked down to, sometimes by complete strangers, just because some movie they saw portrayed Southerners with an accent as being stupid. No longer will I be forced into situations I don't want to be in. Jane would say, "No, that doesn't work for me." I need to practice saying that over and over again. And then say it. And mean it.

I can't change my personality - I know that. But I can change the people and things that bombard my life daily and make me unhappy. And you know what? That change will leave a whole bunch of more time for me, quality time, quilty time. And that, as she says, is a good thing!

12 comments:

Jeanne said...

Atta girl, Vicky!! {{{{HUGS}}}}

Melinda said...

Hi Vicky. (((HUGS))) What's a few warts between friends? :D

Melinda
(aka BrightEyes)
(http://mghollis.blogspot.com/)

JudyL said...

Oh, Vicky! I'm so glad to read that you are doing that. I've thought for years that people take advantage of you and you are way too kind and giving. It's great to be kind and giving but then people expect too much and some even make outlandish requests and you comply. Yes, you stand up and you say NO! That is NOT what I want to do.

BTW, I never noticed those warts but then I'm just one of those stupid, southerners! :)

Judy

Carolyn said...

Good for you! I did the same thing a few years ago and it's hard going. I let go a few so called
friends and kept the "real" friends. I gave up some PTA projects, although everyone said they would fall apart if I didn't do it. Guess what? Those projects are still strong, but under new leadership. I still struggle with trying to do everything for everyone, but I'm getting there. And I know who my friends are now! :o) Good luck...

Vicky said...

Thank you all for your support. I slept really good last night after I posted this, like a weight had been lifted. And I had a fabulous day today at three quilt shops! $2.06 in one - exchanging a machine foot for the correct one. $7.20 in another for wool felting foam. Then The Fabric Patch - I was actually pretty good there, too! Plus I got a Jane fix! I wonder if I'm going to lose my reserved parking spot there? LOL. Everything just seems brighter today!

Linda_J said...

you go girl! Women tend to be givers and nurturers but we sure as heck do not need to be doormats. Be a little selfish and think of yourself first when those "outlandish" requests are made--and repeat the mantra "no, that doesn't work for me" over and over.

cher said...

applaud, applaud..! isn't that a great realization?!! It's ok to say no and if that person doesn't like you or stay a friend, who needs them?? I say :-) You are perfect just as you are...which can be a real hard thing to accept-but the weight lift sure feels good! big hugs...

Sharon said...

Just found your blog - and I've so enjoyed reading it. Sounds as if some of us have been there, done that - so I can tell you that life rolls along anyway. And I love the "that doesn't work for me" phrase! I'm going to add it to my repertoire too!

cindyquilts said...

Vicky ... another catch phrase that I use, because I am one of those who gets negative and holds onto junk, is: THAT'S not my business. It keeps me from judging and falling into others pitty party.

Best wishes,
Cindy

Tracey said...

Oh YOU JUST GO, GIRL!!! LOL!
It's good to hear....and I couldn't be happier for you. Just keep on repeating it...."No...that doesn't work for me..." :o)
((HUGS))

Happy Valley Quilter said...

Sounds like you've caught onto a good thing. Being able to stand your ground without feeling guilt is a powerful tool. Keep filling up that toolbox of yours with things that make you stronger!
Kairle

Mary said...

The Christmas blocks are beautiful.

Autumn quilts are my thing. I make one each year - I was living in Florida when I started quilting and I really missed Fall now we're in Georgia and have a beautiful fall season.